Stumbling over a potato

Realizing you're mid-climb in your 30's can be a shock, but only if you look down...which in this case, would be looking back, back into the past.

I don't remember what day or even which season it was when I looked at my feet in my minds eye and saw them dusty and dirty and right in the middle of a well worn mountainside path. It was rocky but barely, it was hot, but that was only in my mind. it wasn't indicative of the season outside my window. I was stopped in this place on the path; I didn't want to keep going. I was too tired so I sat down right there in the dirt and cried. And I didn't get up again for four years. When I recall getting up and re-beginning my climb I wasn't in the same spot, I was facing a sheer cliff. No hand or foot holds to aid me in my climb, no ropes either. It was just me, that rock face and a whole lotta wind.

I have no idea how I made it up, but I did. And I did look down, and back, and I saw. I saw me climbing and falling, climbing and making my way. I saw different scenes. Some were lovely meadows filled with flowers, animals, small streams, a waterfall. Some were what I call rock fields that are uphill. A big area like a particular small canyon near my home; literally a place where rocks were deposited in a glacial melt and just left there and there they have remained for centuries. They vary in size and shape. There are more than can be counted. They are light gray and is it a deep ravine just full of these rocks; and rattlesnakes live there. I've had to pick my way through more than one of those puppies.

Some of the path is shaded with the ever present scrub oak, maple and aspen so familiar to me. Some paths have cactus here and there. It is a mountain just like the one I live on, but its not the same mountain. This is MY mountain. This is my life.

At this point if you're surprised I'm once again using nature as a metaphor in my writing, we haven't been acquainted long, nor have you read much of my writings. As I've mentioned before I think in pictures and most of my pictures are pastoral. Very rarely urban. Is it my interest in Tao? Doubtful, that began later. Its probably because I've always lived on or near a mountain. and its probably also because I always feel as if I'm climbing or falling. Pursuing something vigorously or failing. Only sometimes am I successfully ambling along one of those shaded paths. My guess is the meadows have something to do with love, whether romantic, my children, friends or family. But the cliffs, that's a no brainer. Those are the biggest trials I've faced in my life, same with those blasted snake infested rock fields. But no matter what the climb or ramble looks like I am moving along that mountain. I see the top only sometimes. I know whats up there. I know what my final reward will be when I get there. And from that place all the way up on the top is something that ever pulls me toward it and I weep and say I'm coming. I promise I'm coming. The next thing I know, He's standing right next to me as I've paused on my way. He smiles and reminds me He's always there if I'll just open my eyes and look for Him. And then I rebegin my climb toward where He is, where Father is, where I will one day rest from all my labors and be free from these things that hurt my body; all the diseases. I will be free from the things that hurt my heart. Knowing THAT freedom awaits me is enough to keep me plugging along even as I wearily stumble over a stone the size of a potato.

I know I'm over half way finished, but I know more sheer cliffs and rock fields await me. But I also know those gorgeous meadows and sun-dappled paths await as well. Life is hard. No matter how you may see your journey I'll bet you too have obstacles peppered along the way. It's the way it is. If we only walked along a padded athletic track at the local high school as our life's journey, we might have some good muscle tone here and there, but not every part of us would be worked and tried, and strengthened. When we have to figure out HOW to get through, over, under, or around something. Or sometimes even getting it out of us, we also work our mind, heart and spirit. The bigger the obstacle the harder we have to work all of our being. My body may not work properly, and at this point, its not going to before I die, but I can keep strengthening my mind and spirit and heart for truly that is how we overcome these things that interrupt our daily stroll anyway. Physical prowess doesn't get us into heaven nor does it bring us the love that remains. It's what's inside that makes or breaks our success ultimately. My upper body strength did not get me over that sheer face cliff four years ago. it was raw mental and spiritual determination that did, along with much needed divine assistance. Our bodies are going to go away. Our spirit, mind and heart ~ the soul, remains. My soul is climbing. I'm not sitting down and giving up anymore. I learned I can take small breaks then continue and be fine. I have found balance. There is alot of peace that accompanies this realization. Looking back is ok as long as I don't linger or bring anything along with me that has no value. Looking forward, feeling that magnetic pull call me home, well....its working. The stronger me is succeeding in her climb. Yes I may fall, but I'll get back up and keep going. I learned I could fail and try again and that I was still valuable, scrapes and all.

Inspiration for today:

"Those who are only sort of committed may expect to only sort of receive the blessings of testimony, joy and peace. The windows of heaven might only sort of be open to them. Nothing can be more important than keeping a commitment."

~ Dieter F. Uchtdorf

"If there is a real woman - even the trace of one - still there inside the grumbling, it can be brought to life again. If there's one wee spark under all those ashes, we'll blow it till the whole pile is red and clear."

~ C.S. Lewis

"Well done thou good and faithful servant...enter thou into the joy of the Lord."

~ Matthew 25:21