Losing Neverland

It is a big deal to me, because its such a big part of my falling star wishes. And just because the star simply races across the solar system, it isn't really going to make my wish come true. BUT what a magnificent sight a falling star can be as it whisks across a midnight blue sky.....

I'm FINALLY beginning to accept that there is no automatic, built-in, just-because-you-want-it 'happily ever after'. No perfect health, or job security. No perfect marital stability, no perfectly peaceful home life, no perfectly calm mealtimes and bedtimes. No perfectly idyllic relationships or home/family/marriage situations...life.

Life is filled with challenges, learning experiences and opportunities, failures, disappointments, heartache, lies, death and yep, you guessed it, taxes. Nothing stays the same. People are constantly evolving and morphing in one direction or another. The best that can be hoped for within a job situation, close friendship &/or especially, marriage, is a joint venture, joint commitment, joint effort. Team work.

For emotional relationships in particular ~ a commitment that says: "we will be honest, we will live by the golden rule, we will love one another, we will respect one another, we will work hard at this, we will get help as needed, we will be true and loyal, we will support one another, we will hang-out together and enjoy it, we will need breaks from each other and from life, we will need reminders of how much our choices DO affect others and to re-learn things over and over and we will fail at all of the above ~ often, But! we'll also succeed! And we're committed to each other and to keep trying, to self-evaluate, to self-motivate, to do our best and keep finding the love and the good no matter how deeply hidden it may become". And...a lot of prayer ~ as a couple, family and individually. Now that, would be really nice. I'd be quite happy with what I just wrote.

Honesty and integrity, honor and strength of character...these are more important to me in love, romance and friendship than title, rank, fancy house, sex appeal, chemistry, looks, car, career, money, travel, being cool or charming, brilliance or even being funny.

While a sense of humor and education are way up on my list, that tried and true, bone deep good-heartedness and honesty makes or breaks a person in my book. Of course #1 above all the others, is that the man I love, loves the Lord before all else, then me second. If he's doing that, then, being honorable will be easy for him.

As you know, I am currently on a personal quest to improve my own character, attitudes, perspectives and well, ME! Though personally, quite averse to dishonesty or unkindness due to my own experiences of being treated with such by others, I find the traits of honesty and kindness easier for me to exercise toward another than perhaps some other traits (though still, I am a work in progress). But trust is another matter all together. Amazing how experience can be a stern teacher.

Anyway, I feel immense gratitude that I don't have to pass the test of life today, that the learning process is just THAT! A process, not an event. I have much left to do, but having begun just a few beginner baby steps, has already brought me far! With God's assistance I can have those traits of honor and integrity strong within myself, then I'll be able to invite those same types of people into my world. No more hidden, double lives, or skeleton's in a closet ~ only to be found out about several years and babies later in the marriage, types. I will be able to actually know that person ~ friend or sweetheart ~ as they truly are, because honesty and integrity will be equally as important to them as it is to me, so they'll offer to me their true selves, as I offer to them, my true self. They and I will each live in such a way as to have nothing to hide from one another. Cool concept to aim for, huh?

I'm excited about my new perspectives and attitudes. I look forward to the changes that will surely follow my improved sense of priorities and goals. I am wonderful, worthwhile and fantastic, and that's just part my inner beauty. My confidence and new way of thinking and acting will literally change my universe around me and I will continue to become the woman I've described, the woman the Lord would have me be. I will ensample it to my children and invite them to follow, which they'll surely wish to do and will! I will find more loyal, lasting friendships AND a lasting love. I'll finally be with a man of innate purity and goodness, imperfect and still learning, but definitely teachable and willing ~ so he can be true to what the Lord will have of him.

It felt like an epiphany & slap in the face, BOTH, at the same time, learning all of this. It all came together for me when I read a quote by Helen Keller:

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."

Phooey. I didn't like that. I want the security darn it! Then I pondered...a long time....I felt that, yes, its true. Animals, trees, rocks..they don't get pedicures and facials. No houses bigger than the Jones's, no fancy cars or boats. They have no pre-nup or marital security. Generally their partners take off before the baby's born, or only come around bi-annually. There's no savings or 401(k) accounts. No jobs or health insurance. Their children die or disappear & there are no special police forces at work to rescue them and bring them home. Nature has no Friday night poker game or girls night out. No Sunday meetings or bible to comfort them. It's all just simply about survival. Period.

We humans are so blessed and so different! And, we have the agency to choose. With that agency we get to decide how we are going to live & define our character and decide what types of characters will be allowed in our life surrounding us. We CAN have moments of security, serenity, comfort and peace..which will surely be abruptly interupted by the human beings natural survival mode, the next learning opportunity: challenge, failure, upset, sorrow, disappointment, frustration, exhaustion, re-trying ~ all mixed with ~ achievement, success, fulfillment, security, comfort...then starting all over again a thousand thousand times. A cycle..of learning..and growth. Survival. Reality. Joy. Rejoicing. Men are, that they might have joy.

No one taught me any of this when I was younger and my disappointment and frustration has been as big as my failures at times. I have kicked myself so hard for having experienced normal life experiences. I erroneously thought I was the odd woman out. I had no inkling how to cope with the inevitable loss of Neverland. I hadn't any notion I was experiencing some very expectable ups and downs of life. Granted, some of my experiences have been stunners. The popping of the fantasy balloon was loud! But to be fair to me, I had no idea the balloon could pop.

So yes, most of my teenaged angst and life lessons were within the normal lines, but definitely some were way out in the ozone. Either way, I really picked on me, because I didn't have what I felt 'should-have-been'.

In spite of it all, I do realize that life is not all a bed of thorns. And many of ya'll have found the daydream to be your reality! But, because I know that our realest reality of realism is realistically uncertain, I will teach Helen Keller's quote to my children, as well as any other valuable wisdom I may have gained in the last 44 years, that may be useful for them. I want them to learn at a younger age than I did, so that they can begin living and loving and experiencing ~ more correctly, more realistically, more fully, less painfully, than their Momma did. I want them to have a better life than I have had. I was so busy chasing after the myths, fantasies & white picket fences, that I missed the waving red flags, though they were carefully concealed &/or thoroughly rationalized away. Then, yes, I most certainly cried over the fairytales elusiveness. But I'd not accepted the bits and pieces of the dream that had slipped in through the cracks now and then, the good that had come, because dangit ~ I wanted the WHOLE daydream! I wanted the happily ever after! I know now, it's just not gonna happen the way Walt tells it! And that's okay today. Happy CAN be told other ways.

Good, beauty, joy and peace CAN be found in the little moments of any and every day. These, I now embrace more fervently and deeply than ever before and guess what? I Love my kids more. I'm appreciating each day more. I'm able to see my loved ones with love, joy and gratitude..not just fear, worry and regret. Its magically liberating!

The moral to my diatribe is this: Savor the small silver linings and rainbows lingering amidst dark storm clouds and thunder. Look forward with hope, not fantasy, as you learn, grow and change through trials and challenges. Love deeply those you love, and more completely too. Enjoy the journey, weather the storm. No, it's not perfect, but it can be wonderful.

And don't forget to wish on that falling star.

Inspiration for today:

"you may have to fight a battle more than once to win it."
~ Margaret Thatcher

"Actions are the seeds of fate. Deeds grow into destiny."
~ Harry S. Truman

"Love is never defeated."
~ Pope John Paul II