The runner

You are a runner. You've been running in the same lane on the same track for many years. So long, so much, in fact, you've created quite a rut, a groove, an abyss, your running place. YOUR WAY OF LIFE.  

It is very deep. It is steep. It is wide. You decide one day, you want a change of venue, so you casually say, "I now desire to come out of this rut I've been in for 16 or so years, I'm coming out". 

You reach, you jump, you try to climb, you bloody your finger tips trying to find something, anything, with which to hold onto, to pull yourself up, just a little. You work your way around the track trying to find a possible escape, but even as you do this you catch yourself, you're still finding time to run, the same way you ran for years. The very running that caused this sort of bondage you now find yourself in. 

Before you never tried to get out, so you didn't realize how deeply entrenched you'd become. And now, there is no way out, unless you stop the same running of old. 

Tired of seeking to find no way out, you again stop the running and sincerely proclaim through the voice in your HEAD "I want out! I want to be free!" Then you find a rope dropped down to you. Not a ladder. Not a rope with knots for greater ease in climbing. Just a simple rope that hangs 2 inches above the highest point you can reach. Not enough to grab hold of. No, you must jump up, hand open, hoping that as you descend you'll actually grasp the end of the rope.

You jump and reach and grab until elbows, wrists, knuckles, knees, anything that scrapes against the dirt wall of your self made prison is raw and bleeding. You're exhausted and doubtful. All you want is to get out of the life you created; and it is significantly more difficult than you ever imagined possible. In tears of frustration and longing, you cry out to the air, "please, let me out, please!!" This your SOULful cry. The rope drops 2 more inches and a knot appears at the end of the rope.

Hooray! You jump up and easily grab hold of the knot, you're on your way out, you can just feel it! You swing a bit back and forth from the momentum of your jump. You pull up with all your might. Again. Again. Again. Getting no where, unable to pull yourself up. Yet you try because you have tired of the rut of your life and you want better, purer, happier....so you pull, pull, pull, until raw, bleeding palms catch your fall on the rough ground, after you let go once more of the opportunity at escape.

You kneel on this ground, sore, aching ~ body & soul. No, you haven't been running around the track at all this time. Every moment, every bit of energy, all was put into trying to escape. You bury your weary head in your arms while continuing to kneel. With all the sound you can muster, barely audible, barely heard. A voice with the power of thunder, yet no bigger than a whisper, drifting up from your humbled HEART, "please God, get me out, release me from this life I created for myself. I long to be free. Free of the vices that own my body and mind. Free of the urges I cannot conquer. I've tried God. I can't get out on my own. Please God, rescue me".

Then you feel strong arms lift you from the ground, He smiles into your eyes as you see each other face to face. He holds steady the rope, long enough, knotted enough, for you to do your part, and climb. 

So yes, you climb. It is far. He continually holds your rope. You climb farther. You're thirsty. You hunger. You're entire body trembles from weariness. Then, there it is, the rim of the abyss. You don't look down, it is far too frightening. There is nothing you want anymore from down there. 

Of course He is at the top, extending his arm, entwining His with yours, He pulls as you climb over the edge with your free hand, knees, feet. You are made free by Him.

You cannot possibly stand. You're far too weak, but what's more, you're so enhumbled, filled with gratitude you have no words for. You see light you've only read about. Hear music that occurred only in your childhood dreams. You are in a place of purity, peace, solace, comfort, happiness unheard of. The rut of your life moves farther and farther away from you with each passing moment you breathe in the air of freedom and tranquility, virtue. It will never disappear. It will beckon you. But the longer you stay away, and inhale goodness, Godliness, the more power you will have to refuse the old ways, to press forward into your new life. And new life is always work, always effort. Effort at remaining out of the abyss..but new life is serenity, hope, miracles, fulfillment. More.

But you can only have new life if you really want it deep within your heart Every moment. Of every day.

Otherwise ~ you will never be free of your addictions & sorrows.

You will be exactly as you now are...or worse...or dead.

Wanting, truly wanting, from Him, through Him, by Him ~ is the only way to change anything.

You can't stay in the old & find the new. You must make an ultimate choice. 

And stick with it.



Inspiration for today:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is the voice at the end of the day saying. 'I shall try again tomorrow'."

~Unknown

"You're never a failure if you never give up."

~Kelly Petersen

Broken legs and lineaments

When my legs were broken the first time, I had no idea what happened. Nor the second, third and so on. And I did nothing about the breakings, for I knew not what could be done.

Then I was old enough. Old enough to begin racing, so I did. Everyone else was, why not me too? I chose a partner, a bad partner. We were unequally yoked, he wasn't honorable, and I had never properly healed from the earlier breaks, so I fell. I was broken all over again, and of course, we lost the race. This happened over and over again. I never took time in between the races to completely lick my wounds and let the bones set, harden, and strengthen so I could choose the right partner, be a strength to him and run the race that was set before me. I was in such a hurry to race; to run a race I wasn't even remotely prepared for.

This all occurred to me tonight as I compiled the items I was to place in my God-to-do-box and my needy fallibility stared me in the face; I have so much work to do. My mind wandered off in prayerful thought as it is often wont to do as I clump my worries into a pile for Him. As it did so I gave up on me and began thinking of a man. One man in particular. I have no idea what he looks like, but I know what his heart is like. It is pure. It is righteous. It is honorable and it is spiritual. Otherwise it's not him.

My mind has wandered to this person more and more of late. I chalk it up to hormones yet there is no set pattern and any reprieve I get from my mental meanderings isn't 14 days out of a 28 day cycle, so I doubt it has anything to do with my being a woman. Not sure what it means. It is sort of annoying though. It's simply not time so I don't want to think about it. I don't want the proverbial carrot dangling in front of me when I can't even get up and walk over to get it, nor can I even think about running a race again yet. My legs are still healing from the last racing attempt I made. They have never even healed from that first breaking, and it happened again and again since the first time until the day I sit in now. So finally, I'm stubbornly staying put, with my legs propped up, on ice. With the salves and lineaments tenderly rubbed into them until the breaks have healed, completely.

Even then it still won't be time. Then I will need to learn how to walk again; not just walk, but walk the right way. Walk the way I must in order to take the next step to running. The type of running I'll need to do to finally finish the race, successfully this time. Then and only then will it be time to think about this man. Who is he? He is my eternal running companion. He's not ready yet either. He has breaks to heal from too. Running too soon is a dangerous risk, and of course if taken, both runners will lose. What is right today will be right tomorrow. If one is to be your running partner now, then they will be once you've both healed and it becomes the right time to run your race. Why put yourselves in a position to not only lose, but be broken again because you rushed? Besides, I know he isn't going to come into my life until we're both ready. I have faith enough to wait this time. I am waiting on God to pair us up. No other match-maker will do. I most certainly can't trust a person to do it again. So I wait, as I heal, as I learn. As he does too. Taught and healed by The Physician.

In my beliefs, we have eternity. So I ask, whats the rush? When the time is right, the race can be run, and won. Together.

Physician

by Mary Margaret Hawkins

Soul sick, I sought his promised balm

And soothing healer's art.

He quick dismissed my shallow wounds

But studied on my heart.

A gentle salve was not prescribed

For the wholeness I desired

A surgeon's cutting to replace

My heart would be required.

In trust, consenting, then I begged

The method used on Saul:

One painful lance and three days dumb

Then sweet rebirth as Paul.

But by more common miracle

The healer works in me,

As day by decade soft He builds

New heart where none can see.

A tedious mighty change is wrought

Till no cell is the same.

As in the fleshy tables there

He writes His word, His name

Inspiration for today:

“What is painful today has a purpose tomorrow.”

~ Max Lucado

“Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.”

~ Chinese Proverb

“Sometimes the greatest growth comes through pain, but it's not the pain that helps me grow, it's my response to it. Will I suffer through the experience and continue as before or let the pain inspire changes that help me grow?”

~Courage to change