Broken legs and lineaments

When my legs were broken the first time, I had no idea what happened. Nor the second, third and so on. And I did nothing about the breakings, for I knew not what could be done.

Then I was old enough. Old enough to begin racing, so I did. Everyone else was, why not me too? I chose a partner, a bad partner. We were unequally yoked, he wasn't honorable, and I had never properly healed from the earlier breaks, so I fell. I was broken all over again, and of course, we lost the race. This happened over and over again. I never took time in between the races to completely lick my wounds and let the bones set, harden, and strengthen so I could choose the right partner, be a strength to him and run the race that was set before me. I was in such a hurry to race; to run a race I wasn't even remotely prepared for.

This all occurred to me tonight as I compiled the items I was to place in my God-to-do-box and my needy fallibility stared me in the face; I have so much work to do. My mind wandered off in prayerful thought as it is often wont to do as I clump my worries into a pile for Him. As it did so I gave up on me and began thinking of a man. One man in particular. I have no idea what he looks like, but I know what his heart is like. It is pure. It is righteous. It is honorable and it is spiritual. Otherwise it's not him.

My mind has wandered to this person more and more of late. I chalk it up to hormones yet there is no set pattern and any reprieve I get from my mental meanderings isn't 14 days out of a 28 day cycle, so I doubt it has anything to do with my being a woman. Not sure what it means. It is sort of annoying though. It's simply not time so I don't want to think about it. I don't want the proverbial carrot dangling in front of me when I can't even get up and walk over to get it, nor can I even think about running a race again yet. My legs are still healing from the last racing attempt I made. They have never even healed from that first breaking, and it happened again and again since the first time until the day I sit in now. So finally, I'm stubbornly staying put, with my legs propped up, on ice. With the salves and lineaments tenderly rubbed into them until the breaks have healed, completely.

Even then it still won't be time. Then I will need to learn how to walk again; not just walk, but walk the right way. Walk the way I must in order to take the next step to running. The type of running I'll need to do to finally finish the race, successfully this time. Then and only then will it be time to think about this man. Who is he? He is my eternal running companion. He's not ready yet either. He has breaks to heal from too. Running too soon is a dangerous risk, and of course if taken, both runners will lose. What is right today will be right tomorrow. If one is to be your running partner now, then they will be once you've both healed and it becomes the right time to run your race. Why put yourselves in a position to not only lose, but be broken again because you rushed? Besides, I know he isn't going to come into my life until we're both ready. I have faith enough to wait this time. I am waiting on God to pair us up. No other match-maker will do. I most certainly can't trust a person to do it again. So I wait, as I heal, as I learn. As he does too. Taught and healed by The Physician.

In my beliefs, we have eternity. So I ask, whats the rush? When the time is right, the race can be run, and won. Together.

Physician

by Mary Margaret Hawkins

Soul sick, I sought his promised balm

And soothing healer's art.

He quick dismissed my shallow wounds

But studied on my heart.

A gentle salve was not prescribed

For the wholeness I desired

A surgeon's cutting to replace

My heart would be required.

In trust, consenting, then I begged

The method used on Saul:

One painful lance and three days dumb

Then sweet rebirth as Paul.

But by more common miracle

The healer works in me,

As day by decade soft He builds

New heart where none can see.

A tedious mighty change is wrought

Till no cell is the same.

As in the fleshy tables there

He writes His word, His name

Inspiration for today:

“What is painful today has a purpose tomorrow.”

~ Max Lucado

“Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.”

~ Chinese Proverb

“Sometimes the greatest growth comes through pain, but it's not the pain that helps me grow, it's my response to it. Will I suffer through the experience and continue as before or let the pain inspire changes that help me grow?”

~Courage to change