The Circle

I've already written about being a visual person, teaching, speaking, writing in metaphor, analogy and illustration. I have no idea how other people see things in their minds. It's neither good nor bad, it just is what it is. So...in this frame of mind that I am, I paint pictures for my children as I aim to teach them something, especially something of value, something I want them to have a visual of, something I want them to remember, over and over again. I don't recall where the parable of The Circle came from, it just came and now it's part of our familial vernacular; where are you in the circle with each other, with me, with your friends, the rest of your family? The moral of the story? Love, empathy. Standing by someone no matter what the rest of the world says. Standing for something, especially when your person is about to fall. Where are you in The Circle?

“As you walk toward the noise you hear, there in front of you is a circle. A circle of people. All colors, shapes, sizes, sounds. But the loudest sound is mockery and cruelty. You go closer to the circle to see what is there; what are they pointing at, jeering at? Your eyes move beyond the heads, through the limbs and bodies; to the spaces in between and to your shock it's your sister there in the center of the circle. She cowers there alone. Hunched over at the waist, wanting to disappear into the ground she stands upon. Her big brown eyes pleading for someone, just one out of the throng, to see her as she truly is, as Heaven made her; to stop the noise, the shouting the heckling, the monstrous mouths. Just one. You stare at all those faces, the emotions of anger, confusion, spite, revulsion. Hatred. You've felt it too. Autism isn't always pretty nor is it easy to live with, but this is your baby sister, standing alone in that circle of judgers, weighers and deciders. Where are you going to stand in that circle? Will you stand where you are, still and silent? Will you join the mob with the name calling and abuse? Will you walk away? Will you push your way through? Will you push past these frightening mouths and flailing fists, to find the hand of your baby sister? Will you go stand beside her, hold her against you, let her know she's not alone, she'll never be alone again. Where are YOU in the circle?"

As I've taught this over the years, because I have five children, three of whom are on the autistic spectrum, beginning with my second oldest, the one standing alone in the circle has changed. The one in the circle doesn't have to be an autistic person either. I'm not autistic, but I've been in that circle. Others I know and love have been in that circle. I've always chosen to stand inside the circle by the side of the one alone. It's never bought me much popularity, no. In fact most of the time it has bought me scorn. I have been punished for doing so. Never more so, however, than when I've stood there with my children. I regret nothing about choosing to stand up for what I believe in. I will never stop being that woman. Despite the names, the lies and gossip, being ostracized. I would cease to be me. And I would never leave my children or friends alone to bear that burden on their own. It may cripple me for a time afterward to take the brunt for or with them. But I cannot live a lie. Leave me. Walk out of my life. I'm better off without you. But to those who are lucky enough to have this woman standing next to them know the gift of a friend they have. To those who've stood beside me I offer my gratitude. I miss my son who stood beside me. He still is, but in a different way. I'm still inside the circle with the underdog. I say it with a shattered heart and broken spirit. But I say it without shame. Beautiful people don't just happen, They're created.

Where are you standing in the circle in your life?

Inspiration for today:

"In the darkness of your lonliness, remember that the spaces between your fingers fit perfectly with mine....I will listen to every breath, hear every heartbeat, until the sunlight illuminates your soul again."

~ Bruce Wheadon

"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt."

~ Mother Teresa

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

~ Martin Luther King Jr.

Do you see what I see?

I was commenting to a friend that I often write in parable, metaphor, analogy. I talk that way too. My kids get their life lessons in a very round about way, after a story of sorts. People who talk to me get information or whatever, much the same way. I can't not do it that way. Not sure if I always did it that way but now it's just part of me and it's here to stay and I like it. I think it's one reason I "get" my autistic kids like I do; I think in pictures like they do. Math eludes me. I AM logical and rational, but not scientifically. I am both brained and I see life in stories. Stories played out in pictures, scenes, activity. The big picture as well as the minutiae. I am a hands on learner, don't do well in a formal classroom setting but let me learn in the same manner that I teach and I won't forget. To me it's both frustrating and great! I can't go to school. I will probably fail. But I am highly educated and intelligent, plus I get entertained, alot! And I'm quite entertaining.

Does it ever bother me that I can't see things the way another might? No. I don't think anyone ever truly sees things the same way as another even if they share the same dream or vision or idea. It's still their own version of it. We're all still unique individuals with our own spirits, different DNA, a domestication all our own. Then we add how we perceive things, internalize them, analyze them and so on and no, none of us sees things the same and I like seeing whatever I'm thinking in pictures. I try to explain it to others. Some get it, some don't. I don't feel bad if someone doesn't get it. I feel bad for them, they're missing out on what I get to see. I only wish I was better at telling you so you might have a better view, it's actually pretty cool in here. But I don't like how people whose brains function differently from another can often be treated in this world of greed and fake beauty. So much, in too many people's hearts, is placed on the ideal of belonging, no matter the cost. Evolve or get lost. I have never fit into that mold even when I tried, it spat me back out because I wanted to change it to be more user friendly. I am not a joiner. I'm just me. And I like that. Hopefully others can figure out how to like themselves too, no matter how their brain functions.

I did once hear the phrase "visual-spatial learning" come from a clinical psychologist when explaining what the really high IQ score my daughter got was for. Apparently it has something to do with what I'm referring to. I can see she is gifted in that area. So are my other children.  I've never been tested for my IQ but I'm pretty sure my visual-spatial learning is high too. The more I read about it, the more I see; I do not have a learning disability, I did not deserve the "biggest airhead" award my senior year in high school. I'm most likely gifted in visual-spatial learning AND teaching. I bet that's just one of the many reasons God gave me 3 autistic kids, I can dig it! Not everybody can.

Normally school teachers are trained to teach only the left brain, non-spatial learning learners. Kids like mine and like I am, struggle in that environment. It's like being a fish with a tablespoon of water to survive in, not enough is given where needed. Luckily some very intuitive and good people started figuring this out. It changed not only how IQ testing is given and scored but also how children are taught. That was a good move.

Now I don't really put a great deal of stock into IQ scores but they are necessary when trying to figure out HOW a person learns. This informs the teacher that she needs to step up her game and provide teaching in pictures. She needs to teach hands on. She needs to change how she does things. If not, several kids miss out and that's not fair. I've met many teachers in the 16 years my kids have been in school, I can tell within moments of talking to a teacher who can and who cannot teach in pictures. Those who cannot are the teachers my kids don't like and they don't do well in those classes, even if they like the subject. It can make all the difference in the world just to be able to think, see and teach visually. The sad part is, too many teachers won't even try. They expect a young child to change how their brain works. Really?

(Disclaimer: I'm trying not to judge the non-spatial thinkers here, I really am. It takes all kinds, we need all of us. That's my biggest point).

My Dad's 2nd motto:
"Thinking outside the box."

Our world is divided up into two parts just as the brain is. Luckily visualizers are the new black, the new CEO's, the new thing to be. For a long time we were relegated to a corner of shame with a cone hat that said "no you can't". Why? Because we were the ones with all the imagination mixed with a bunch of feelings. We were the touchy-feely innovators, not the number crunching business people. Think about Ayn Rand and just one of her many messages from "Atlas shrugged". Without both types of people, the world ceases to be. For too long being creative and emotional was considered a weakness. Not in my head, not in my book, not in my house. God made all of us to be different, to give our differences into the mix to create what is good about the man-made parts of the world. Don't judge because someone is different. Good advice for all of us.

Inspiration for today:

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."
~ Mother Teresa

"We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools."
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

"The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.

Our heritage and ideals, our codes and standards - the things we live by and teach our children - are preserved or diminished by how freely we exchange ideas and feelings."
~ Walt Disney

http://www.gifteddevelopment.com/Visual_Spatial_Learner/vsl.htm