I already mentioned in the info section that you're a reporter for the local newspaper. Tell me, how do you approach your interviews, how do you get your subject to talk?
JaNae: I have learned a lot about listening to people in my profession as a reporter. Every day is a new challenge and in the end, it’s my ability to listen to people that makes the real difference between a good story and one that’s not so interesting to read. I’ve had to learn to rely on my gut instincts in knowing what to pick up on. But those gut instincts, I find, are far less important than just simply putting in the time to get to the heart of a particular matter. It sounds strange but it’s usually always the last things a person says to me in an interview that turn out to be the most important to the story.
Kelly: So after years of doing this you've found a way to connect to the person, sort of break down their defenses so to speak?
JaNae: I believe that is because people learn to trust me over the course of the interview as I repeat back what I think they say and what I think they are feeling. As this trust builds, they start to reveal their true selves.
Kelly: How do you go about building this trust?
JaNae: I have a particular style that I follow and it’s not like any other reporters use that I know. Generally, reporters ask the basic questions of who, what, when, where, why and how. But for my feature stories, I almost totally rely on open-ended questions and sometimes I never even ask a specific question except to clarify what I think I’ve heard. Because my stories are more of the touchy, feely type, I’m not really looking for specific facts that are pertinent to the reader until I’m in the writing phase. That’s why I sometimes have to call people back while I’m writing to ask the obvious questions I never thought of during the interview.
Kelly: Do you say anything specific to open them up?
JaNae: While I’m actually with the person, I only seek to understand my subject as fully as possible. I believe that’s why I can get away with this style of questioning. I generally just ask someone to tell me what it is that they want me to hear. When they get done with this, often there is nothing left to ask them.
Kelly: You and I have had some conversations about my goals for my blog, my book and my goals as a person in general so you know what I'm about, what you're telling me is part of my master plan. Given that, now I'm going to cheat and use your question ~ what is it that you want the reader of my blog to hear?
JaNae: I wish I could listen like this more in my everyday life. If everyone could do this, I believe people would have a lot fewer problems in relationships. One reason I believe it is hard for me to do this with people I know well is that emotions get in the way. I think if I and others could try to remove the emotions and listen to those around us with a clear, non-judgmental head, we could get to understanding a lot more efficiently. It’s like that Native American saying about walking a mile in someone else’s moccasins. If we could try to put on their shoes to the best of our ability, we probably could understand why people do the things they do. Not only that, but the emotions would likely go away for real once we really knew those with whom we associate.
Kelly: You probably already know I think that is a fabulous idea for everyone to try out at least once. Have you been able to experience this on a personal level?
JaNae: Recently, I had a profound experience when someone turned the tables on me and listened to what I had to say. It was an old friend from elementary school who asked me why I was so hard to understand back then. When I started to explain, I learned so much about myself. It was like I was listening to myself for the first time. As I listened to myself talk, I eventually opened a door to my past that I had never ever even known existed before. Having someone there to validate what I was saying gave me the ability to tell the story in a way that even I could understand. In the end, I found the real source of my hang-ups. It was perhaps the most enlightening experience of my life.
Kelly: So you were not only heard and validated but learned as you listened to yourself as well. That is a beautiful personal story. Thank you for sharing it. And again thank you for sharing your insights with us.
Because you are a reporter and talk to so many people here in the booming metropolis of good ol' Ogden, I am sure there is much to be learned from every person you talk to. We have a little bit of everything here, from the Greek Food Festival (yum!) to Farmer's Market, Pioneer Day celebrations and Rodeos, parades, all types of shops, every Ethnicity one can imagine and all Religions too. As you cover general news and religion you truly get to speak to someone from every place in our community. You get to hear and feel their stories. I've read your work for years and yes, you do find the heart of the matter, you write what the speaker is trying to convey.
*We all have a story. We all have the need to be validated. We all have the need to be heard. This week, try paying it forward; Listen. Hear. Validate. It will come back around and your story will be heard too.*
Today's Inspiration:
"The doors of wisdom are never shut."
~Benjamin Franklin~
Listening opens the doors.
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