In front of me on the kitchen counter sits an over-sized mayonnaise jar devoid of its original contents and label. Empty.
Beside it; a pile of dirt and rocks. The pile is larger than the jar. I have been given instructions; put the pile in the jar, make it fit. Then wait here, you have another job to do after that. I roll my eyes and look out the window. Its raining. Again.
I pick up the first rock; its black, heavy and wears only sharp edges. I drop it with a thud into the glass jar. The bottom cracks, just a bit. I look for my instructor, concerned, now what? No one is with me. I look at the clock, its been set to a timer. I didn't know there was a time frame I had to complete this in!
I start cramming the stones, pebbles and sand into the jar as quickly as I can. I frequently glance at that timer ticking away. No, it doesn't fit. I dump it out, I try again. Over and over as I attempt to repack the jar with the shovel full of earth I fail. Time is running out, I am getting upset. Through tears I try one more time, but this time I ask out loud to the no one there, “how am I supposed to do this!?” No one responds but I sense, start at the beginning. Same black, jagged rock goes in first, then another larger rock then another as the tears stream down my face with more intensity and that clock ticks more and more loudly in my ears and the aloneness of that room closes in around me.
I sweep the last of the sand and dust from the counter with one hand into the jar, just as the timer rings. I barely made it. Everything barely fit.
Again I sit alone. I wait. No one comes back to give me the next step. I stare at that stupid jar. What the heck was all that for?
“It's your life.”
Startled, I turn around to see my instructor standing there. “What's my life?”
“The contents of that jar.”
I look at the jar with more disdain than I had before. No it isn't. My life isn't a jumble of rocks and dirt. He approaches me and the jar, He dumps it out. I am aghast, that took me hours!
He began with the same first black rock. The jar cracked a little more even as He placed it in the bottom. Then he added a smooth stone colored in taupe’s and creme's and a hint of pink, a stripe of blue; beautiful. Then He added what looked like a small pearl. I hadn't even noticed it. Some dust, another smooth stone or two, the largest black rock with razor sharp edges, 5 diamonds of the purest quality, more pearls, more of everything lying on the counter in a heap, and every speck of dust. It fit. How He placed each item in the jar was different than I had done. He did it with knowing precision. His design created an amazing picture from my new view of the glass. I could hardly see the black pointed edges, they only peeked out here and there. My tears began again but the reason was different. It wasn't fear and frustration this time. It was relief and gratitude. My life wasn't just an ugly pile of dirt in a jar. It was a work of art despite the painful, ugly parts. It was a beautiful history.
We looked at the jar as long as I needed to, from every angle, even the bottom; I looked at that crack. My eyes asked what my heart was worried about, “will the bottom fall out at some point?” Yes. But that doesn't mean it can't be fixed. And when that happens, we'll put it all back in again, together.
OK.
We left the jar and I walked out to live; to add more to the seemingly bottomless holder of my life's events.
I often wondered at the jar and its picture, what it contained. At different points in my life I learned what each item represented, but even as I knew what happened it didn't mean I knew what to do with it.
Then I met Marlene.
That's when step two began.
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Rescripting
“Have you ever wanted to rewrite or replay a part of your life? We have all had traumatic events that have affected us more deeply that we can consciously understand. When the trauma took place, whether it was a time when we felt humiliated, hurt, shamed, neglected or abused the brain stored and categorized every detail of that event in a complex library within the mind. This library acts as a fortress of defense, a sort of 'automatic response center' which helps prevent us from feeling those same hurts again.
“Everything about the incident is deconstructed internally and stored in minute detail. At any time from that point forward, if we are stimulated by ANYTHING that reminds us of those traumatic incidents our body and mind instinctively, in defense if itself, creates a block, a wall, or a defense against a repeat assault. This translates physically into our not feeling well. These defenses manifest themselves in many different ways. We may feel more nervous, maybe get a headache, we might feel anxiety or even have a full blown panic attack. Then we digest the experience coupled with all the emotion the experience evoked within us and we interpret the experience based on our understanding of the world around us, and because we have a finite and limited vision of the world we form mis-beliefs. And then we internalize these mis-beliefs as truths; and then these truths become the foundation upon which we build our lives, our personalities and our self images and we play out our every day lives based on these mis-believed “truths”.
“Example 1
“A child is teased by his mother in front of her friends and feels shame. The child has feelings of resentment toward his mother, he may form feelings of inadequacy or feel that he is not valued or cannot trust the world. The experience may have caused him to feel unsafe. With that belief having formed as part of his real world experience, it is now a standard against which decisions are measured. This experience then affects every relationship in his life, casual and intimate, impeding his progress and sabotaging his self-esteem. This may manifest as trust issues, perhaps he has a tendency to back out of big commitments because deep down he feels inadequate. He gets frequent back aches and headaches.
“These thought processes created, stored and when triggered from within his 'automatic response center' have a direct affect on the chemical reactions and processes that the brain sends throughout the body to control its reaction to external stimulus. Negative thoughts create negative results and are manifested physically through illness and dysfunction.
“Rescripting can solve these issues for your life. It is a process of finding the negative root behavior patterns, which is the key to healing. Those key moments you experienced, sometimes in a short instance, may have lasting effects that severely impact your life. They can be forgotten on the conscious level, but they then become the driving force that creates the mis-beliefs around which you have created your entire life. These mis-beliefs play a role in every decision you may make in life. They then affect others because they are processed in ways that manifest in your choices, how you handle relationship issues and they even affect your physical health. With rescripting the core cause of these events is discovered then analyzed, understood, then healed and transformed into correct, truth-based beliefs that empower the individual to move forward with hope, calm, happiness and confidence. Then the trauma that has affected their life for so many years is gone and it no longer has any power over them.
“We can compare a damaging incident to a beautiful piece of music. If an orchestra is playing in harmony and every piece is doing its part, the music flows and sounds beautiful. Then imagine that the trumpet player holds one continuous note, steady, loud, always there to antagonize and disrupt the flow of the orchestra and its course. It would certainly be noticeable to the audience and of course the orchestra is aware of it. Other musicians may have to play more loudly to cover the annoyance or maybe they change the arrangement and over-play to help blend the trumpeter's note into the mix (manifesting behaviors of over-eating or attention seeking). But we all still hear that note roaring in our ears, distorting the entire piece of music. No matter which musical number is played, that note is still being played, ruining every piece. Removing that player who is holding down the note allows the beauty of the music in its perfect harmony to be played. A huge stress has been removed! Relief is felt. Peace comes. The individual can then move forward in life and make decisions based on a standard of their inner self rather than reacting to an artificial stimulus designed to protect and prevent progress. It is truly a life change and when that chapter or moment is rewritten by the individual, they can then move forward in life, unhindered and unfettered.
“The second part of the process is to remove the negative energy patterns that the mis-beliefs caused over time. Every thought we have manifests through energy patterns that affect how we move, how we dress, talk, behave and how our bodies function. When there is a mis-belief then there is a negative energy pattern or even a block in our energy field that causes problems in our lives that are manifested by pain, restriction, illness, learning disability, neurosis and disorders. After the emotional release has been completed, the individual takes some time on the music bed where beautiful music facilitates relaxation and a meditative state of being. The body is then brought into balance through reflexology, acupressure flows, cranial sacral therapy, reiki, aromatherapy and therapeutic touch. The meridians and chakras are all balanced and aligned so that the individual feels lighter, refreshed, cleansed, more flexible and the stress is all removed. They feel optimistic, happy and energized after the session and are finally able to move past blocks and are able to heal both emotionally and physically.”
Marlene E. Holden NHC, CH, Master Bodyworker
870 E. 9400 S. Suite 100 Sandy, UT 84094 (801) 633-8140
mailto:~marleneholden@yahoo.com ~ marleneshealingarts.com
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I went to see Marlene, I did a rescripting session. I already knew what that big first black rock was, but even after nearly 20 years of traditional therapy, I had no idea how it affected me until I did my session with Marlene. I left there feeling a quietness about me that I had never felt before. I have never been able to sit and just listen to the sound of nothing without many different thoughts and fears invading my brain space, all fighting for my attention. These thoughts were my own orchestra overplaying to drown out the sound of the big black rock trumpets from my life. Of course what happened still happened, but now I do not see myself the way I saw myself for 41 years following that event up to the day I met Marlene. I am no longer a victim of that event. I have other black rocks to look at. My life has not been an easy one, but it has not been as hard as others. My work is not finished. And even though it is my work, I am not doing it alone. I am not so afraid anymore. Is my smudge balloon gone? Did it pop? Yeah. And though I have more to do, I'm not afraid to do it, and though the green balloon popped; another, different color took its place: I am not finished. But its not an ugly color any more. Things may still be somewhat distorted because of my life's events. But so much has changed. I'm looking forward with hope and excitement about the next change and the next. I haven't ever been one to greet a new day with a smile before. Thank you Marlene. Thank You God. (:
Today's Inspiration:
"It's what you learn after you know it all that counts."
~ John Wooden
~ John Wooden
"It is understading that gives us the ability to have peace."
~ Harry S. Truman
~ Harry S. Truman
"If a man loses reverence for any part of his life, he will lose reverence for all of his life."
~ Albert Schweitzer
