The Black Ball Syndrome

The Black Ball Syndrome

Several years ago I had to take my daughter to the Genetics Department at Primary Children's Hospital, adjunct to University of Utah, for some genetic testing. There I met Dr. Alan Rope, a pediatrician and head of genetics. As we discussed what was going on with my daughter he told me of something he referred to as having a "type of black ball in front of you all the time and you can only see out around the edges." Since that time I have thought a lot about his description of such a state of mind. I am the one who gave it the name, but I attribute the idea to him.


The Black Ball Syndrome is basically when something traumatic has occurred in your life and it so blocks your vision that you literally cannot see much of anything else but that trauma, heartache and sorrow. Being depressed is the norm and often you live in a way you generally wouldn't if only you could see your way clear to your life itself. At times, you may not even know what the causing trauma is, but you can't focus or concentrate on your world around you nor can you offer up much to it either. In essence, you yourself are metaphorically behind the eight ball.


I lived this way for many years. I can attest that it exists. No, I never knew it by this moniker, nor did I know I was doing it, but in retrospect I clearly see it. Did I ever find out what my trauma was, yes. Had I not, I cannot imagine I would have ever gotten out from behind that big black bowling ball. I remember not being able to concentrate or be aware of much of anything going on around me. I also remember being one who stayed on the fringe on things...not really getting involved, not contributing, doing a lot of following; not always to good places either. I always felt like an annoying piece of lint. I did a lot of pretending to fit in. I had no idea who I was. I wasn't really living. And quite frankly being in this state of mind isn't much more than that. What could one do if a ball the size of their face sat in front of it? Not much.


Is it just trauma that can cause this? I don't know. I'm not a trained clinician. I never read about this "syndrome" in the DSM IV when one day I decided to pick the thing up and read it. My guess? I think choices can cause it too. Not only cause it but enlarge it.


I have a very strange hobby. I like to people watch. I like to observe human behavior in many different modes (yeah, yeah. I know, I should be a therapist). Anyway, in my many years of observing, either from far away or right in the mix of things, I have seen that certain choices seem to make a person much more oblivious to their world. I know I never want to return to that state of mind again. I work hard to keep from being blinded by whatever could cause it to happen again at this stage in my life. But I have watched people create it and choose to stay there even once they find out they have made the ball themselves. At this point I think one would refer to it as denial. Denial is often confused for the blissful form of innocence. It's not. The symptoms of the syndrome are the same, but the selfishness is worse when the syndrome is developed by choice. And why stay there? Isn't it nice to not have the accepted weight of accountability on your shoulders?


As I look back at my years of living with TBBS, I can tell you I have regret. I have wishes. I want for things and I can't change one iota of my life from that time. I can tell you it's happened more than once, and never by choice. I can tell you I would rewrite so many parts of my life if I could; especially the parts that involve my children. How did I get that thing to finally roll off my face? Years of therapy, years of prayer, years of crying, years of learning how to live again. And each time it happened; I had to learn to walk, all over again.

If you have a big black ball stuck in your line of vision, find out why. You can make it go away. The view is better out here.

My friend Marlene E. Holden has 26 years in the healing arts. She has an office at the Quantum Healing Arts Clinic. She has developed a vey effective process of "Rescripting" which can transform and rewrite the cause of negative behaviour patterns such as: depression, anxiety, low self esteem, grief, feeling "stuck", bitterness, control issues, etc.. This process does not require the client to share intimate details. It helps find the cause of the negative pattern and effectively releases it leaving one feeling confident, calm, vibrant, grounded and motivated to go forward in life with happiness, love and light. You can contact Marlene at marleneholden@yahoo.com, 801-633-8140. See more information about her on facebok under Marlene's Healing Arts page.


Inspiration for today:


"Simple faith has the power to guide you through every challenge you may face in your life."
~M. Russell Ballard


"True reconciliation does not consist in merely forgetting the past."
~Nelson Mandela


"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
~Franklin Roosevelt